Shortly after my 35th birthday I went to Los Angeles with my good friend Colleen. We set off to have a relaxing week of inspiring talks, beach walks, reading, and pool time.
I was determined to make it the turning point of healing my post concussion syndrome. I had finally got word in April that I had won my disability case after a tough 17 month battle that nearly broke me. I was approximately 54 thousand dollars in debt at the time, but they owed me nearly 18 months of back medical disability pay. This was a huge stress off at the time. Focusing on healing wasn't possible until that financial stress was off. I was still awaiting the money, but the battle had finally been won.
Through the summer of 2019 I remained on anti depressants, was still struggling in noisy areas with brain overwhelm, and my energy levels were quite low, but for the most part I was finally on the mend. This was 2 years after calling off my last fight in May of 2017. 2 of the longest/toughest years of my life.
I was determined to begin a regular exercise routine once I got home from this trip. I needed to start losing the 32 pounds I had gained, as well as improve my mood to get off the anti depressants. It would end up being another 5 months before I was actually able to start exercising regularly and be off all medications, but this trip was the first time I was able to actually envision a full recovery. I knew it was possible even though I had so far to go at the time. I used this trip as a turning point to get my mind focused on the uphill climb to recovery.
Colleen was the perfect person to be with through this positive shift as she is very inspiring to me, and has also been through some tough injuries herself. I look up to her in every way.
When we arrived we walked straight to Venice Beach to do some reading and take in the scenery. I brought a couple of Rachel Hollis books and forced myself to write myself some positive words to start off the trip.
Journal - Santa Monica Peer - May 25 2019
"You are restarting. This is a good thing. You are rebuilding your health and career with a better understanding of who you are and what you want. You are loved. Your lonely days are all behind you. You found the yin to your yang. Many people waste their lives with the wrong person. You are so blessed. Love your body. Nourish it properly, and give it lots of exercise. You've started from the bottom before with much less knowledge and experience. You've got this. This is the exciting part where the only place to go is up. Spend an hour for your body and mind every single day. You are blessed with the time to do this. Enjoy it. 32 pounds to lose!
Let go of all the shame and guilt of everything that happened with your job. You did the best you could and were put in a very tough situation. You deserve wealth and happiness. Put the work in and rebuild a heightened version yourself.
You are exactly where you need to be. No guilt. Time to kick ass at life in more ways than before. I release the pain. I release the burden. I release the need to be an athlete. It served me well for a long time and I achieved many things most girls couldn't. I release that identity. I don't need it anymore at I am glad this happened to me."
He had an amazing week full of reading, cycling, walking, and laughter. I went to my first Dodger's game and we ended up sitting 3rd row center for Adam Sandler last minute for a very intimate show. It was amazing! I grew up on Adam Sandler, and he certainly didn't disappoint.
Reflection Journal written at LAX - May 29 2019 (right before heading home).
"Athlete Michelle is gone and that is ok. Abundance Michelle is here now. She is so so loved and is going to help so many people. Your story will inspire and bring people together. You were 216 Lbs with no confidence and no idea who you were at 23... you went from that to being one of the toughest girls in the country at 28. Now you are 214 Lbs at 34 and you have Andrew's support. You are not alone anymore. You have this year to heal and lay a foundation for your BellaMima Lifestyle's Empire. You have confidence beneath the surface and know exactly who you are meant to evolve into. You've got this! It's a big mountain to climb to get your life back but you've done it before with less wisdom.
It's time to put the work in Michelle. This is exciting. So exciting! Time to get excited about your new life. Time to finally kick the weight. Blog about it to help inspire others. Take people with you on the journey. Talk about the good and the bad. Be vulnerable, cry, share the pain, and release it. Don't read the negative comments just keep telling your story. The good and the bad.
You've got this! 10 years until you are a world champ at being an entrepreneur. Inspire people to believe that all the so called "bad things" are actually meant to teach you. They are not bad, they are just "tough". Build your empire and create a safe place for people to be themselves. Your family will be provided for by you doing what you love so they can spend their time embracing whoever they are. That is amazing! Put the hard work in now before your babies come!
Love yourself, take care of yourself and have fun again! You deserve happiness. Stop missing who you were and embrace who you are becoming. Bye bye antidepressants, bye bye to all of this extra weight and sadness. New beginnings are coming when you are ready to release this pain. "
I am extremely grateful for this trip looking back on it now in May 2020 a year later. I would force myself to re-read those positive words I wrote after every failed workout or bad day to keep myself on the positive track that summer. I'm happy to say that I am now down a little over half, the weight, I'm out of debt and no longer struggle with Post Concussion Syndrome. I'm also proud to be off of all medications. I had quite a bit of guilt on this trip as the entire thing was put on my credit card. Looking back I know how much I needed it as a jump-start to begin to like myself again. Also Colleen ended up taking a job In Toronto and moving a few months later. I miss her very much and I'm grateful I had that trip with her before she moved away.
I hope you enjoy my video about my life changing trip <3
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