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#2 - How I started Kickboxing

I was 22, extremely confused about who I was and who I wanted to be. Overweight (217lbs) missing my friends, blaming myself in part for their deaths. I had no spiritual beliefs, and was still struggling with unbrainwashing myself after having been raised a Jehovah's Witness. (If you really want to mess a kid up, raise them to believe in a god that is always judging them and expects them to live their life completely for him, place impossible restrictions on them then disown them completely if they don't meet those expectations or conform the the tribal beliefs...yup that'll mess you up alright.)

I will get more into my teenage story later, but I really want to stress how depressed and sad I was at this time. I do not think this age is easy for anyone, but I do believe that getting the courage to try something new in my dream about Joel was the first step in healing all that sadness. I didn't believe in myself or my ability to change my life, but I knew he believed in me, and feeling his presence gave me the courage to start.

Even just going to gold's gym and working out in front of people on a treadmill gave me anxiety at the time. Having the courage to try that kickboxing class took me months.... MONTHS! I had that little confidence and belief in myself. This is where I started... so if this is where you are now... know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it all begins with one step in a new direction.


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